My Thoughts

I wrote this Sunday night but didn't post it because I was unsure if anything I wrote in that stage of tiredness would be coherent. Now I read it and find it acceptable:

I was just thinking while getting into my pajamas and decided to share with all of you what I was thinking about.

A little sum-up of the day for background:
- the girls and I got to church at 9:30 for Ward Council stayed through 11:00 church and 2:00 choir practice. Then I had to feed Noel before we could get home. (If you heard her cries you would understand how urgent it was.) Then Amy insisted on seeing Daddy (who was still at the church.) As I was unwilling to wake up Noel for anything I couldn't physically make Amy come, and she would not obey me. I didn't feel up to fighting about it so we stayed til 4:00. 6 1/2 hours of church for a 2 year old.
- Amy only had about 45 minutes of a nap (while we were HT I might add - she was sitting on the 11-year-old daughter's lap)
- Amy and I both ate poorly today. Like snacks where meals should been. Her best meal was cinnamon toast crunch and cookie crisp. Yikes.
- We home taught and got home taught.
- I got orientated on my new calling.

The point here is, it was a long and tiring day. We were all exhausted.

Other background is that I was reading a few blogs of people who have hard things going on - sadness and/ or lots more kids to take care of and therefore lots of pressures that I don't have.

So this is where my thoughts begin. I was thinking about how reading others' experiences helps me remember how good I have it. I feel very blessed with my beautiful healthy children and my fantastic husband. And yet, just because others have things more difficult than mine, that does not take away the difficulty that I still struggle with.

I thought about how much time and attention my girls take up from me. Lots and lots and lots. And how much I want to do with my time that I'm not able to do because of how much time I need to devote to taking care of my kids and basic upkeep/ running the family. I get frustrated that I can't ever get anything done. Sometimes I am desperate to make headway.

For me some of that is compounded by Matt being gone as much as he is (and needing to spend a lot of time that he is at home working on his calling.) Add to that my new opportunity to serve in the primary presidency. (Yes, I am SO STINKING EXCITED about this new calling.) I am really striving to follow the examples of many noble wives of men who have served in leadership forever leaving the wives to do much of the home-work and the taking care of children themselves. I know many wives have WAY less help than I do and WAY more responsibilities. I want to carry my burdens cheerfully and gracefully the way they do.

Even as I occasionally feel exhausted and unable to carry my load or frustrated to find little time to work on projects or hobbies, I find my time taking care of my kids extremely fulfilling. I have heard of mothers feeling like they lose their identity and feel unfulfilled in the sometimes monotonous and never-ending tasks of motherhood (that never seem done because you just do them over and over every day.) While I feel the never-ending aspect and sometimes the monotony, I am grateful that it is not hard for me to find fulfillment in taking care of my kids. One reason is because of the love I have for them, but perhaps and even stronger reason is my strong conviction of the fact that there is absolutely nothing better I could be doing with my time and energy. It really helps to know that I am doing the most important work that there is - even when that most important work is undone faster than I can do it.