Thursday, December 29
Anatomy Lesson by Noel
I was wanting Noel to brush her teeth but couldn't help her at the moment. I told her to ask Daddy because Daddy wasn't nursing (which I was doing at the time.) She said, "Yeah, because Daddy doesn't have breasts." Haha.
Monday, December 26
Christmas at the Parks'
Pictures may still be to come - we'll see if that happens. I just wanted to put a short note about our Christmas. We had a wonderful and very low-key Christmas. Low-key is like my theme word. All our holidays are low-key. Sometimes I wish we did some of the cool things other people do, but I really am not up to that kind of pressure.
We didn't even look in stockings until after church. I know. Shocking. But the kids didn't really bring it up. And I am always stressed before church. So I didn't want to take a lot of time on that and than all get frustrated trying to get there. We had choir at 10 and then Sacrament Meeting at 11. Thanks to Matt's parents for coming and taking care of our girls while we sang in the choir.
After church we did stockings and presents to/from Matt's parents. They spoil us rotten. Amy is especially happy about a present they gave her - a set of books with a cool pen that can read the words to you. She and Noel have both been loving it.
Next was lunch, family reading time, and quiet time. (Yes, we really did make our kids have quiet time on Christmas. They are young enough that they didn't act shocked and offended. Quiet time is just a normal part of life.) After quiet time we were waiting for Grammy and Papa to wake up in China and get on the computer to watch us open the rest of our presents. They loved it so it was worth the wait. This part was pretty low-key too. Amy got carried away buying presents for her sisters at the dollar store so that was half of the presents right there. It seemed just right to me. The girls' big present was CD players for each room. Amy had one that broke. They are both listening to their CD players in their rooms right now.
My favorite part of Christmas was my present from my mental health - I was healthy, calm, and happy throughout the day. Besides stomachache, Matt had a great day too. Eliza's favorite part hands down was eating wrapping paper and tissue paper. To each her own.
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!
We didn't even look in stockings until after church. I know. Shocking. But the kids didn't really bring it up. And I am always stressed before church. So I didn't want to take a lot of time on that and than all get frustrated trying to get there. We had choir at 10 and then Sacrament Meeting at 11. Thanks to Matt's parents for coming and taking care of our girls while we sang in the choir.
After church we did stockings and presents to/from Matt's parents. They spoil us rotten. Amy is especially happy about a present they gave her - a set of books with a cool pen that can read the words to you. She and Noel have both been loving it.
Next was lunch, family reading time, and quiet time. (Yes, we really did make our kids have quiet time on Christmas. They are young enough that they didn't act shocked and offended. Quiet time is just a normal part of life.) After quiet time we were waiting for Grammy and Papa to wake up in China and get on the computer to watch us open the rest of our presents. They loved it so it was worth the wait. This part was pretty low-key too. Amy got carried away buying presents for her sisters at the dollar store so that was half of the presents right there. It seemed just right to me. The girls' big present was CD players for each room. Amy had one that broke. They are both listening to their CD players in their rooms right now.
My favorite part of Christmas was my present from my mental health - I was healthy, calm, and happy throughout the day. Besides stomachache, Matt had a great day too. Eliza's favorite part hands down was eating wrapping paper and tissue paper. To each her own.
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!
New windows, anyone?
The company that put in our new windows last Spring offered us eight hundred something dollars towards more window work. (We didn't do the basement windows.) We don't want to use the vouchers and were told that it is transferable. Are any of you interested?
Sunday, December 18
Rain
Once upon this Saturday morning, Bonnie and I were arriving home from an appointment. Bonnie went to pick up the older two kiddos from a kind neighbor babysitting them. I walked in the house. It was a nice day, even warm considering the recent week's chill. Imagine my surprise to walk inside and hear the clear sound of a good strong rainstorm. No thunder or wind mind you, just the sound of a good hard rain.
Realizing this to be abnormal, I rushed toward the sound. There, in our very own hallway, pouring from our Swamp Cooler vent, was a magnificent rain storm. On second thought, the rain was so steady that there weren't many drops at all; it was more like a lovely little waterfall.
While most people would ooh and aah at a waterfall whilst pondering the meaning of life, my reaction was slightly different. Something more akin to:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only thing my brain could think of was: Buckets! I need buckets! After quickly realizing that I had no clue if we owned any buckets, let alone where they would be, I went for trash cans. The first one I dumped out on the floor, dirty diapers and all. The smell of this gave me some degree of consciousness and so the next two I emptied in our garage trash can first.
I have long pronounced myself as the world's worst handy-man and I'm hoping this post might earn me at least an honorable mention in this year's Tim Taylor competition. You see, this could have easily been prevented if I had winterized our swamp cooler. I've known for a while that I've needed to, but I can list you numerous excuses as to why I hadn't yet done so. Not only that, the valve I thought was for our swamp cooler was actually for our refrigerator's non-existent ice maker, so I wouldn't have actually turned it off even if I'd thought I had.
As you may have guessed by now, the pipe going up to the swamp cooler had frozen and bursted the pipe. On this nice warm day, the ice in the pipe had melted and provided us our aforementioned waterfall. However, I did not immediately come to that conclusion. I knew that swamp coolers needed to be drained of their water as part of the winterization process, so I assumed that the swamp cooler's store of water was somehow leaking down. With my trusty trash cans in place, I went and borrowed a neighbor's ladder. After being completely inept at getting the ladder up (it fell on me twice), I got another neighbor to help me lean it up against my house and the two of us ascended to the roof. We saw the water around it frozen and used a hammer and screwdriver to chip it loose. The top third or so was ice, but all the rest underneath was a slushy liquid state. I was convinced that this water underneath was the source of our waterfall. We got a lot of the ice chunks out and got the rest draining onto the roof, but the waterfall was not slowing its pace. I began to realize something else was amiss.
I went back down and, desiring to understand better where this water was coming from, I decided to unscrew the vent cover on my ceiling. As the third of four screws (it was only attached on two opposing sides) was nearly out, the fourth screw gave and the thing came crashing down. I don't think it dented any walls, but I was a bit surprised.
Now looking up into my vent I could see that the water was not coming down through it, but rather was in the ceiling and was using the vent as its escape hatch.
By now I suspect some of you are thinking "SHUT THE WATER OFF ALREADY YOU DORK!!!!" Hey! Good idea! We filled up some water bottles and I went downstairs and shut it off*. Not, however, before the water started coming through the ceiling around the vent and even dripping down through the light fixture near it.
So... what next? Well, I called a plumber and he was able to be there in 20 minutes. (He did an awesome job and for a great price. I highly recommend him.) He kindly informed me that the line I thought was for the swamp cooler was not. He replaced the broken pipe by pulling a new one up while taking the old one out and of course got things all hooked up. At my request he also referred me to a restoration company.
The restoration company was here within an hour. They tore out carpet padding, some drywall, ceiling area with insulation, etc. and set up dryers and a de-humidifier to run through Monday or Tuesday. At that point they will replace and repair things.
I now know a lot more about my swamp cooler. I know which tube goes up to the cooler, how to drain the tube and how to drain the cooler. I also know that it needs a new belt for next summer. I'm not sure, however, if I got the filter/sides put back on right...
* Yes, I actually do know where my water main shut off valve is and how to use it. If you're not impressed at that by now, you probably should be.
Realizing this to be abnormal, I rushed toward the sound. There, in our very own hallway, pouring from our Swamp Cooler vent, was a magnificent rain storm. On second thought, the rain was so steady that there weren't many drops at all; it was more like a lovely little waterfall.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only thing my brain could think of was: Buckets! I need buckets! After quickly realizing that I had no clue if we owned any buckets, let alone where they would be, I went for trash cans. The first one I dumped out on the floor, dirty diapers and all. The smell of this gave me some degree of consciousness and so the next two I emptied in our garage trash can first.
I have long pronounced myself as the world's worst handy-man and I'm hoping this post might earn me at least an honorable mention in this year's Tim Taylor competition. You see, this could have easily been prevented if I had winterized our swamp cooler. I've known for a while that I've needed to, but I can list you numerous excuses as to why I hadn't yet done so. Not only that, the valve I thought was for our swamp cooler was actually for our refrigerator's non-existent ice maker, so I wouldn't have actually turned it off even if I'd thought I had.
As you may have guessed by now, the pipe going up to the swamp cooler had frozen and bursted the pipe. On this nice warm day, the ice in the pipe had melted and provided us our aforementioned waterfall. However, I did not immediately come to that conclusion. I knew that swamp coolers needed to be drained of their water as part of the winterization process, so I assumed that the swamp cooler's store of water was somehow leaking down. With my trusty trash cans in place, I went and borrowed a neighbor's ladder. After being completely inept at getting the ladder up (it fell on me twice), I got another neighbor to help me lean it up against my house and the two of us ascended to the roof. We saw the water around it frozen and used a hammer and screwdriver to chip it loose. The top third or so was ice, but all the rest underneath was a slushy liquid state. I was convinced that this water underneath was the source of our waterfall. We got a lot of the ice chunks out and got the rest draining onto the roof, but the waterfall was not slowing its pace. I began to realize something else was amiss.
I went back down and, desiring to understand better where this water was coming from, I decided to unscrew the vent cover on my ceiling. As the third of four screws (it was only attached on two opposing sides) was nearly out, the fourth screw gave and the thing came crashing down. I don't think it dented any walls, but I was a bit surprised.
By now I suspect some of you are thinking "SHUT THE WATER OFF ALREADY YOU DORK!!!!" Hey! Good idea! We filled up some water bottles and I went downstairs and shut it off*. Not, however, before the water started coming through the ceiling around the vent and even dripping down through the light fixture near it.
So... what next? Well, I called a plumber and he was able to be there in 20 minutes. (He did an awesome job and for a great price. I highly recommend him.) He kindly informed me that the line I thought was for the swamp cooler was not. He replaced the broken pipe by pulling a new one up while taking the old one out and of course got things all hooked up. At my request he also referred me to a restoration company.
The restoration company was here within an hour. They tore out carpet padding, some drywall, ceiling area with insulation, etc. and set up dryers and a de-humidifier to run through Monday or Tuesday. At that point they will replace and repair things.
The hallway with a couple of the fans and the de-humidifier
Removed drywall section.
Ceiling with tarp covering removed area.
I now know a lot more about my swamp cooler. I know which tube goes up to the cooler, how to drain the tube and how to drain the cooler. I also know that it needs a new belt for next summer. I'm not sure, however, if I got the filter/sides put back on right...
* Yes, I actually do know where my water main shut off valve is and how to use it. If you're not impressed at that by now, you probably should be.
Sunday, December 11
How We Portray Ourselves
or something. I don't know if that's really what I am going to be writing about.
I went visiting teaching this afternoon. I enjoyed it - I like the sisters I visit and visit with. We talked about influencing others for good. My companion talked about smiling and being cheerful. I had talked about the same thing earlier this week when I was visit taught.
Then the sister I visit started talking about some interesting ideas. Apparently her family had been around another family they didn't know and had the opportunity to do a few small kindnesses for this other family. The woman had remained ornery despite their efforts at friendliness. She said she tends to expect more out of people she knows or assumes are LDS and was surprised that this woman didn't even make it look like she was enjoying being a mother.
That caught my attention and made me think.
One thought was about how the time when we see each other the most in our wards is at church. I think of all the times that you expect people to be friendly, kind, and happy, it is at church. And yet, church is not necessarily easy. When I was a kid it was. Not so much now.
I want to be friendly and happy and to look like I love being a mother. (I do love being a mother for the record.) But sometimes it is all I can do to breathe a sigh of relief when we sit down in Sacrament Meeting that we made it to church at all. As soon as church is over, I breathe another sigh of relief that we got to that milestone too. Not that I don't enjoy church, and it's not that I do so much more than other people. But church is a lot for me. I don't often stay out of the house that late in the afternoon for one thing. (Past lunch and nap time.) I also find it difficult to juggle singing in the choir (which I love and could give up but don't want to), serving in my calling, and being a mother.
I know most of you reading this are nodding right now.
I am in a much better place than I was a year ago right now, and Sundays are not totally overwhelming. I often enjoy them. That's nice. I was reflecting today on many Sundays that felt so crazy to me. Between taking care of kids, feeling like I had to be everywhere at once, be outgoing and friendly, and do all of this without much help from Matt. Add to that some anxiety triggers that were specifically brought out on Sundays and that I didn't even recognize for what they were and how they effected me - social as well as time as well as trying to live up to high expectations I have for myself. I remember I used to love being in primary and serving there and then having my hardest moments of the week right after church when the interactions were done, the adrenaline from all I had to do used up, and exhaustion and depression set in. And this was before I knew some of the things I do now about how to cope and heal and just survive.
So I agree that it's so good and important to be happy and friendly and to look like you actually like your children. What a wonderful thing to keep trying for. Sometimes, though, I think that may be more than a person can give. After heroic effort to just be there and to be nice to her children, perhaps one can forgive her lack of bubbly enthusiasm. I just wonder what others around me are experiencing that I just don't know about. I have dealt with anxiety and depression. Those can be rough. I have also had Sundays where I had recently heard bad news or had made a mistake that was on my mind. I spend some thought on regret those days. I have had days at church where it is hard to shake off the disobedience or contention or frustration that existed in my home in our efforts to prepare for church. I have felt sick (and pregnant), tired and stressed. I've been preoccupied with how, despite my efforts, Amy's hair is crazy, and Noel's dress is a little too short, and how I just don't feel great about how we are portraying ourselves. I have struggled before with something someone in the ward said or did. Inside I am making an effort to love, to drop it, to not judge, or just to cope with how I feel about it. Who knows what is on the outside.
Those are just a few things that I have experienced at church. I really am not sure how visible that is on the outside. My mom says I do a pretty good job at not letting my negative emotions show on the outside. All I know is I would hope that if others see me on a not-ideal Sunday when I may be struggling with something or other that they would think of me - she's trying - and cut me a little slack. I will keep trying to be happy, to remember what I am grateful for, to think positively.
And I will try to love, uplift, help, and mostly just not judge others who don't look so happy all the time.
And please understand that I am not saying this in opposition to what my visiting teachee said. She's right. We are to be a happy people.
So let's keep trying.
I went visiting teaching this afternoon. I enjoyed it - I like the sisters I visit and visit with. We talked about influencing others for good. My companion talked about smiling and being cheerful. I had talked about the same thing earlier this week when I was visit taught.
Then the sister I visit started talking about some interesting ideas. Apparently her family had been around another family they didn't know and had the opportunity to do a few small kindnesses for this other family. The woman had remained ornery despite their efforts at friendliness. She said she tends to expect more out of people she knows or assumes are LDS and was surprised that this woman didn't even make it look like she was enjoying being a mother.
That caught my attention and made me think.
One thought was about how the time when we see each other the most in our wards is at church. I think of all the times that you expect people to be friendly, kind, and happy, it is at church. And yet, church is not necessarily easy. When I was a kid it was. Not so much now.
I want to be friendly and happy and to look like I love being a mother. (I do love being a mother for the record.) But sometimes it is all I can do to breathe a sigh of relief when we sit down in Sacrament Meeting that we made it to church at all. As soon as church is over, I breathe another sigh of relief that we got to that milestone too. Not that I don't enjoy church, and it's not that I do so much more than other people. But church is a lot for me. I don't often stay out of the house that late in the afternoon for one thing. (Past lunch and nap time.) I also find it difficult to juggle singing in the choir (which I love and could give up but don't want to), serving in my calling, and being a mother.
I know most of you reading this are nodding right now.
I am in a much better place than I was a year ago right now, and Sundays are not totally overwhelming. I often enjoy them. That's nice. I was reflecting today on many Sundays that felt so crazy to me. Between taking care of kids, feeling like I had to be everywhere at once, be outgoing and friendly, and do all of this without much help from Matt. Add to that some anxiety triggers that were specifically brought out on Sundays and that I didn't even recognize for what they were and how they effected me - social as well as time as well as trying to live up to high expectations I have for myself. I remember I used to love being in primary and serving there and then having my hardest moments of the week right after church when the interactions were done, the adrenaline from all I had to do used up, and exhaustion and depression set in. And this was before I knew some of the things I do now about how to cope and heal and just survive.
So I agree that it's so good and important to be happy and friendly and to look like you actually like your children. What a wonderful thing to keep trying for. Sometimes, though, I think that may be more than a person can give. After heroic effort to just be there and to be nice to her children, perhaps one can forgive her lack of bubbly enthusiasm. I just wonder what others around me are experiencing that I just don't know about. I have dealt with anxiety and depression. Those can be rough. I have also had Sundays where I had recently heard bad news or had made a mistake that was on my mind. I spend some thought on regret those days. I have had days at church where it is hard to shake off the disobedience or contention or frustration that existed in my home in our efforts to prepare for church. I have felt sick (and pregnant), tired and stressed. I've been preoccupied with how, despite my efforts, Amy's hair is crazy, and Noel's dress is a little too short, and how I just don't feel great about how we are portraying ourselves. I have struggled before with something someone in the ward said or did. Inside I am making an effort to love, to drop it, to not judge, or just to cope with how I feel about it. Who knows what is on the outside.
Those are just a few things that I have experienced at church. I really am not sure how visible that is on the outside. My mom says I do a pretty good job at not letting my negative emotions show on the outside. All I know is I would hope that if others see me on a not-ideal Sunday when I may be struggling with something or other that they would think of me - she's trying - and cut me a little slack. I will keep trying to be happy, to remember what I am grateful for, to think positively.
And I will try to love, uplift, help, and mostly just not judge others who don't look so happy all the time.
And please understand that I am not saying this in opposition to what my visiting teachee said. She's right. We are to be a happy people.
So let's keep trying.
I turned 30
It was lovely. I have been excited. Happy to be 30. It sure sounds different than 29, but it feels a lot the same, you know?
Matt took the day off. Other than going out to lunch together and attending book club (just Eliza and me), we stayed home all day. Amy and Noel were at my sister's house from Tuesday through Thursday. For the first day since Amy was born, I wasn't with all of my kids. I've never had a whole day away from them, and we had only had one night apart besides when I go to the hospital to have babies. They did awesome. I did better than I would have thought. I didn't really miss them, and that was nice. Anyway, thanks to Burns for having the kids.
Matt and I got a lot of work done on a project I've been wanting to do but have a hard time getting to. We had a lot of fun doing it. It's always nice for us to take a break from other responsibilities. Even though we were still working, it was fun work and was nice to take off the pressure of normal life.
So thanks to those of you who wished me a happy birthday. It was just that.
Matt took the day off. Other than going out to lunch together and attending book club (just Eliza and me), we stayed home all day. Amy and Noel were at my sister's house from Tuesday through Thursday. For the first day since Amy was born, I wasn't with all of my kids. I've never had a whole day away from them, and we had only had one night apart besides when I go to the hospital to have babies. They did awesome. I did better than I would have thought. I didn't really miss them, and that was nice. Anyway, thanks to Burns for having the kids.
Matt and I got a lot of work done on a project I've been wanting to do but have a hard time getting to. We had a lot of fun doing it. It's always nice for us to take a break from other responsibilities. Even though we were still working, it was fun work and was nice to take off the pressure of normal life.
So thanks to those of you who wished me a happy birthday. It was just that.
Friday, December 9
If You Ever Are Acting Out the Nativity in the Cultural Hall and Need a Star for the Wise Men and the Shepherds to Follow
But You Don't Have A Ladder Tall Enough To Hang The Star From The Ceiling...
(That was all supposed to be the title, but blogger didn't let me go that long.)
Have the props person carry around a star helium balloon.
That's what they did at our ward party tonight.
I thought it was funny and clever.
(That was all supposed to be the title, but blogger didn't let me go that long.)
Have the props person carry around a star helium balloon.
That's what they did at our ward party tonight.
I thought it was funny and clever.
Monday, November 28
Thank you to the Nicey's
It's Monday night, we're about ready to start FHE, and Bonnie had a piece of mail that we did not want to forget to send. So, I was about to run it out to the mailbox (and retrieve any mail there) when I saw this:
I was surprised as were we all. Bonnie said "Oooh! I wonder if it's something delicious. That looks delicious!" Alas, it contained nothing of pleasure for the taste buds, but plenty of pleasure was within.
Opening it up we found matching red dresses for all three girls, a nice red... like I know the name of it - not a blouse, but not a sweater, but kind of a sweater, but not a sweater... I'll just call it a "top" for Bonnie, and a nice red tie for me.
We have no idea who it was, but we put a thank you note inside the box on a little collage of some the above pictures and left it back on our doorstep (see the note they left us).
So whoever you are, if you're reading this, thank you for your kind gifts! We L.O.V.E. them! We had a great FHE lesson about service: how it makes us feel, how when we do service it can help others feel happy, and that we can show gratitude when others do service for us. What a great night it made for us!
I was surprised as were we all. Bonnie said "Oooh! I wonder if it's something delicious. That looks delicious!" Alas, it contained nothing of pleasure for the taste buds, but plenty of pleasure was within.
Opening it up we found matching red dresses for all three girls, a nice red... like I know the name of it - not a blouse, but not a sweater, but kind of a sweater, but not a sweater... I'll just call it a "top" for Bonnie, and a nice red tie for me.
We have no idea who it was, but we put a thank you note inside the box on a little collage of some the above pictures and left it back on our doorstep (see the note they left us).
So whoever you are, if you're reading this, thank you for your kind gifts! We L.O.V.E. them! We had a great FHE lesson about service: how it makes us feel, how when we do service it can help others feel happy, and that we can show gratitude when others do service for us. What a great night it made for us!
Monday, November 21
At Breakfast
Me: Noel, what do you want to do today?
Noel: Lots of
Me: Lots of things?
Noel: yeah
Me: Like what?
Noel: uh... Sam's house!
A little later -
Me: Next week we get to see Baby...
Amy: Beluga!
Sunday, November 20
Eliza's Crib
I ordered Eliza a crib finally. It came this week. With Amy and Noel's help, I put it together Friday. Then Saturday bought her a new mattress. She spent most of the night last night either in our bed or in her bassinet as she still nurses whenever she wants in the night. But those few hours when all kids were in their beds sleeping, and those beds were not in our room - that seemed pretty nice.
We have been a little slower to move Eliza out for a few reasons -
She's a good sleeper. It really hasn't felt that much of a burden to have her in our room.
She doesn't often cry. I have been concerned that if we move her out of our room I won't hear her at all. She grunts in the night to wake me up to nurse her. The solution - the monitor.
We didn't own a second crib. Noel spent many months as a baby sleeping in the pac n play. This time around, I just wanted a crib. But we didn't get around to/ didn't want to have to pay for it yet knowing it would be a big - on our scale - expense when it came.
We haven't known where to put her. We have 3 bedrooms on the main floor in our house. Ours, Amy's, and Noel's. I have debated like crazy which 2 kids to put together. There are pros and cons with every combination. Finally, it seemed like the least bad idea to put Eliza and Noel together. Noel's pretty excited about that, and Amy's a little jealous I think. They both LOVE Eliza's crib - probably because of novelty.
We'll see how it goes. But I think it will help us feel like we have a little more privacy to not have a little one sleeping in our room.
Saturday, November 19
There's this book...
It's called "Caps for Sale". It's a great little book and has become a family friend. Here you get to see it re-enacted for the first time (on video, about the 74th time total and in as many ways) by Noel and Amy Parks. In one, Amy plays the role of the peddler while Noel plays the role of the monkeys. In the other, the roles are reversed. Sound off in the comments* on which one you prefer along with any favorite moments. :-)
Noel as Peddler
Amy as Peddler
* You really don't have to leave a comment if you don't want. Just was fun to say.
Friday, November 18
Small Maze
Some More Pics
Some more pictures and videos. (If you're on G+, you'll see nothing new here.)
Check out that belly and smile!
Fun in the leaves.
Can you tell what book we're reading here? And do you know what word she's saying?
Move those hips girls! (Noel's ducky costume is mostly off here.)
Love Eliza's smile!
Wednesday, November 16
In Time Out
Like many of you, we have a policy about toys that are fought over. They go to time out, and no one gets to play with them. A variation of this happened this morning. Noel was playing with a balloon when she was supposed to be cleaning up her dishes from breakfast. I told her if she didn't stop the balloon would go to time out. Instead of being concerned about the threat, she thought it was a great idea. She went and put the balloon in time out herself - in the same place she goes to time out. Then she was off to the kitchen. Hey, it works.
Tuesday, November 8
What We Tell Ourselves
I recently went to a retreat that was intended to strengthen women to help them be better mothers and followers of Jesus Christ. It was wonderful. One of the things we were encouraged to do in preparation for the retreat was some writing. For 10 or so weeks we were sent writing assignments. One of the topics was the story we tell ourselves about ourselves. This is not a new concept for me.
I struggle with anxiety, depression, negative thoughts, etc. I have been going to a support group for a couple of years. (It's called Recovery - it's wonderful, please check it out if you struggle with similar problems or others. It is positive and uplifting and helps people deal with everyday situations where they get "worked up" so I am convinced it can help everyone. It has been a miracle in the lives of many of my family members.) Anyway. From Recovery and other methods and lots of practice I have learned quite a few things about what I say to myself.
My point in writing this is to mention something that disturbs me. There is something about our culture - modern womanhood, LDS moms, busy keep-up-with-everyone-else lifestyles - something that puts a ton of pressure on women. I am not going to go into that aspect much. I think most people have noticed this pressure. I think one solution to dealing with this pressure would be to avoid sabotaging ourselves by adding further pressure. One way many women do this is by what they say and think about ourselves.
I don't know how many times - tons - I have heard or read about women calling themselves names, comparing themselves to others, guessing what other people MUST be thinking about them, and generally judging themselves harshly. I can think of 3 instances in the last two days where I have heard/ read women saying these kinds of things, and I don't get out much. I learn in Recovery that when we drop judgments on ourselves or others, we feel better. Judging brings negative consequences to ourselves, our emotions, our physical sensations, and our overall mental health. I think this is especially true if we are judging ourselves.
I will be totally satisfied with the time and effort I took to get these thoughts out into the blogosphere if one person will stop and think about the things they may be telling themselves that are hurting them. Or if one person will notice the next time they are tempted to call themselves a bad/neglectful/mean/boring/.......... (the list goes on forever) mom (or wife or husband or daughter or.....) - and decides to say something more constructive and probably more true about themselves.
And please don't think I am judging all of you who do say these things about yourselves. (See what I said about judging above.) I do it too, but I want to stop. It's hazardous to my mental health.
I struggle with anxiety, depression, negative thoughts, etc. I have been going to a support group for a couple of years. (It's called Recovery - it's wonderful, please check it out if you struggle with similar problems or others. It is positive and uplifting and helps people deal with everyday situations where they get "worked up" so I am convinced it can help everyone. It has been a miracle in the lives of many of my family members.) Anyway. From Recovery and other methods and lots of practice I have learned quite a few things about what I say to myself.
My point in writing this is to mention something that disturbs me. There is something about our culture - modern womanhood, LDS moms, busy keep-up-with-everyone-else lifestyles - something that puts a ton of pressure on women. I am not going to go into that aspect much. I think most people have noticed this pressure. I think one solution to dealing with this pressure would be to avoid sabotaging ourselves by adding further pressure. One way many women do this is by what they say and think about ourselves.
I don't know how many times - tons - I have heard or read about women calling themselves names, comparing themselves to others, guessing what other people MUST be thinking about them, and generally judging themselves harshly. I can think of 3 instances in the last two days where I have heard/ read women saying these kinds of things, and I don't get out much. I learn in Recovery that when we drop judgments on ourselves or others, we feel better. Judging brings negative consequences to ourselves, our emotions, our physical sensations, and our overall mental health. I think this is especially true if we are judging ourselves.
I will be totally satisfied with the time and effort I took to get these thoughts out into the blogosphere if one person will stop and think about the things they may be telling themselves that are hurting them. Or if one person will notice the next time they are tempted to call themselves a bad/neglectful/mean/boring/.......... (the list goes on forever) mom (or wife or husband or daughter or.....) - and decides to say something more constructive and probably more true about themselves.
And please don't think I am judging all of you who do say these things about yourselves. (See what I said about judging above.) I do it too, but I want to stop. It's hazardous to my mental health.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)